These last 5 years have been a roller coaster and surely many of you feel the same way. Life is significantly different for me, with the loss of Master Phil Lowe and the loss of my mother. I can say the death of these two have truly effected me and changed my life.
As I reflect back these 5 years I am reminded of the last phone conversation I had with Master Lowe. The conversation went as so; Fred, sorry for your loss. I love you so much. Life has a way to throw you a curveball. Listen, don’t work as much as I did. Don’t think legacy is all that matters. Family matters more. I’m proud of you. I love you. We talk again soon.
End of conversation.
This of course brought back memories of the last conversation I had face to face with my mother. My mother TERESA gave me a great hug/kiss and said, be safe we don’t know what Covid is yet and I am so scared. She cried in my arms and of course I cried. We said I love you and I was off.
I lost my mother a month or so later to Covid. Covid took her from us in just 3 days at the hospital. We couldn’t see her or feel her. The vision of our last video call with her is an image I can’t forget.
As I write this the tears are flowing. The anger and sadness is still there and this feels like this event just happened.
Now don’t get me wrong I screwed up plenty before and after the loss of my heroes. I tried to drown myself with work to keep my mind busy. I failed miserably. But no one seemed to truly care. All they cared about was where is my stuff. And this is understandable now as I reflect back, but during this time period I was depressed, angry, and lost. While my pain isn’t an excuse, it’s the truth.
Fast forward to Mother’s Day 2022. My amazing wife and mother in law sat me down for what basically feels like an intervention. They both shared their love for me as a partner and a son. They saw me fading away and being a shell of myself. And what can I say but agree.
After this conversation I lead myself down roads of reflection, stubbornness, sadness, and exploration. This in turn lead me to the biggest decision of my career.
It was time to visit the doctor, to close down shop for the public and take a job. More on this decision and my process at a later date. But for now I can tell you I never dreamed to be where I am today.
Glad to see you back at blogging Freddie. You've been through the wringer these last 5 years, but glad to see how you've realigned your life to find more joy where you can.
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